章节目录 See the Moon?
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88106推荐各位书友阅读:Unspeakable Practices, Unnatural Acts章节目录 See the Moon?
(88106 www.88106.info) IKNOWYOUTHINKImwastingmytime.Youvemadethatperfectlyclear.ButImconductingtheseveryimportantlunarhostilitystudies.Anditsnotyouwhollhavetoleavethewarmsafecapsule.Anddipatoeintothethreateninglunarsurround.
Iamstillwearingmyyellowflowerwhichhaslastedwonderfully.
Mymethodsmayseematouchirregular.Havetodochieflywithfoldedpaperairplanesatpres?ent.Butthepapermustbefoldedintherightway.Lotsofcalculationsandworryingaboutedges.
ShowmeamanwhoworriesaboutedgesandIllshowyouanatural-bornwinner.CardinalYagrees.Columbushimselfworried,theAdmiraloftheOceanSea.Buthekeptitquiet.
Thesunsowarmonthisscreenedporch,itre?mindsmeofmygrandmothersplaceinTampa.Thesamerustycreakygreengliderandthesamefadedcoloredcanvascushions.Andatnightthemoongraphedbythescreenwire,ifyousquint.
TheSeaofTranquillityoccupyingsquares47through108.
Seethemoon?Ithatesus.
MymethodsarehomelybutrememberNewtonandtheapple.AndwhenRutherfordstartedouthedidntevenhaveadecentlyheatedlaboratory.Andthentheresthematterofmysecuritycheck——Imwaitingforthegovernment.SomebodytolditIminsecure.Thatstrue.
Isufferfromafrightfulillnessofthemind,light-mindedness.Itsnotcatching.Youneedntshrink.
Youvenoticedthewall?Ipinthingsonit,souve?nirs.Thereistheredhat,therethebookofin?structionsfortheAntFarm.Andthisisatrafficticketwrittenonasaintsday(whichsaint?Idontremember)in1954justoutsideafatlittletown(whichtown?Idontremember)inOhiobyacopwhoaskedmewhatIdid.IsaidIwrotepoppy?cockforthepresidentofauniversity,truethen.
YoucanseehowfarIvecome.Lunarhostilitystudiesarentforeveryone.
Itsmyhopethatthesesouvenirswillsomedaymerge,blur——cohereistheword,maybe——intosomethingmeaningful.Agrandword,mean?ingful.WhatdoIlookfor?Aworkofart,Illnotacceptanythingless.YesIknowitsshatteringlyingenuousbutIwantedtobeapainter.Theygetawaywithmurderinmyview;Mr.X.ontheTimesagreeswithme.YoudontknowhowIenvythem.TheycanpickupaBabyRuthwrapperonthestreet,glueittothecanvas(intherightplace,ofcourse,theresthat),andlo!peoplecrowdaboutandcry,"ArealBabyRuthwrapper,byGod,whatcouldberealerthanthat!"Fantasticmetaphysicaladvantage.Youhatethem,ifyouream?bitious.
TheAntFarminstructionsareasouvenirofSylvia.TheredhatcamefromCardinalY.Werefriends,inaway.
Iwantedtobeone,whenIwasyoung,apainter.ButIcouldntstandstretchingthecanvas.Doesthingstothefingernails.Andthatsthefirstplacepeoplelook.
FragmentsaretheonlyformsItrust.
Light-mindedorno,Imriotouswithmentalhealth.ImeasuremyselfagainsttheRussians,thatsfair.IhavehereaclippingdatelinedMos?cow,fouryoungpeopleapprehendedstranglingaswan.Thatsboredom.Theswansname,Borka.Thesentencesasfollows:Tsarev,metalworker,servedtimepreviouslyforstealingpublicprop?erty,fouryearsinalaborcamp,strictregime.Roslavtsev,electrician,jailedpreviouslyfortakingacaronajoyride,threeyearsandfourmonthsinalaborcamp,semi-strictregime.TatyanaVoblikova(onlyneenandaKomsomolmembertoo),technician,oneandahalfyearsinalaborcamp,degreeofstrictnessunspecified.AnnaG.Kirushina,technicalworker,fineoftwentypercentofsalaryforoneyear.Annaobjectedtothestrangula?tion,butsoftly:shehelpedstuffthecarcassinabag.
Theclippingistackeduponmywall.Iinspectitfromtimetotime,drawingthemoral.Stranglingswansiswrong.
Mybrotherwhoisaverydistinguishedpianisthasnofingernailsatall.Dontlookitshorrible.Heplaysunderanothername.Andtuneshispianopeculiarly,somecallitsour.Andrendersragashewrotehimself.Anightragaplayedatnooncancausedarkness,didyouknowthat?Itsextraordi?nary.
HewantedtobeanUntouchable,Pauldid.Thatwashisideaofacontemporarycareer.Butthenagirlwalkedupandtouchedhim(slappedhim,actually;itsacomplicatedstory).Andhejoinedus,hereintheimbroglio.
Myfatherontheotherhandisperfectlycom?fortable,andthatsnotacriticism.Hemakesflags,banners,bunting(sometimesrunsmeupashirt).Therewasneveranyquestionoflettingmyfatherdrinkfromthepublicwell.HewasontheWellCommittee,hedecidedwhodippedandwhodidnt.Thatsnotacriticism.Exerciseshiscreativ?ity,nowadays,courtesytheemergingnations.GreenfortheveldtthatnourishesthegracileGrantsgazelle,whiteforthepurityofourrevolutionaryaspirations.Theredforbloodisunder?stood.Thatsnotacriticism.Itswhattheyallaskfor.
AcalltonightfromGregory,mysonbymyfirstwife.SeventeenandatM.I.T.already.Recentlyhesbeenaskingquestions.Suddenlyhesconsciousofhimselfasabeingwithahistory.
Thetelephonerings.Then,withoutagreeting:WhydidIhavetotakethoselittlepills?Whatlittlepills?Littlewhitefillswitha"W"onthem.Oh.Ohyes.Youhadsomekindofanervousdisorder,forawhile.HowoldwasI?Eight.Eightornine.Whatwasit?Wasitepilepsy?GoodGodno,noth?ingsofancy.Weneverfoundoutwhatitwas.Itwentaway.WhatdidIdo?DidIfalldown?Nono.Yourmouthtrembled,thatwasall.Youcouldntcontrolit.Oh,O.K.Seeyou.
Thereceiverclicks.
Or:Whatdidmygreat-grandfatherdo?ForalivingImean?Hewasaballplayer,semi-proball?player,forawhile.Thenwentintothebuildingbusiness.Whodheplayfor?AteamcalledtheSt.AugustineRowdies,Ithinkitwas.Neverheardofthem.WellDidhemakeanymoney?Inthebuildingbusiness?Quiteabit.Didyourfatherinheritit?No,itwastiedupinalawsuit.Whenthesuitwasovertherewasntanythingleft.Oh.Whatwasthelawsuit?Great-grandfatherdiddledamaninalanddeal.Sothestorygoes.Oh.Whendidhedie?Letssee,1938Ithink.Whatof?Heartattack.Oh.O.K.Seeyou.
Endofconversation.
Gregory,youdidntlistentomyadvice.IsaidtrytheVernacularIsles.Wherefisharetwoforapennyandwomentwoforafish.ButyouwantedM.I.T.andelectron-spin-resonancespectroscopy.Youdidntevencrackasmileinyoursix-plyheatherhopsacking.
Gregoryyouregoingtohaveahalfbrothernow.Youlllikethat,wontyou?Willyouhalflikeit?
Wetalkedaboutthesizeofthebaby,AnnandI.Whatcouldbededucedfromtheoutside.
Isaiditdoesntlookverybigtome.Shesaiditsbigenoughforus.Isaidwedontneedsuchagreatroaringbigoneafterall.Shesaidtheycosttheearth,thoseextra-largesizes.OurholdingsinJohnsonsBabyPowdertobeconsideredtoo.Wedneedacresandacres.IsaidwellputitinaSkinnerboxmaybe.Shesaidnochildofhers.Displayedunderglasslikearumproast.Isaidyouhaventweptlately.ShesaidIkeepgettingbiggerwhetherIlaughorcry.
DearAnn.Idontthinkyouvequite
Whatyoudontunderstandis,itslikesomebodywalksuptoyouandsays,IhaveabattleshipIcantuse,wouldyouliketohaveabattleship.Andyousay,yesyes,Iveneverhadabattleship,Ivealwayswantedone.Andhesays,ithasfoursix-teen-inchgunsforward,andacatapultforlaunch?ingscoutplanes.Andyousay,Ivealwayswantedtolaunchscoutplanes.Andhesays,itsyours,andthenyouhavethisbattleship.Andthenyouhavetopaintit,becauseitsrusting,andcleanit,be?causeitsdirty,andanchoritsomewhere,becausethePoliceDepartmentwantsyoutogetitoffthestreets.Andthecrewiscrying,andtherearesilverfishinthechartroomandafunnyknockingnoiseinFireControl,waterrisingintheNo.2hold,andthechaplaincantfindthePalestrinatapesfortheSundayservice.Andyoucantgetanybodytositwithit.Andfinallyyoudiscoverthatwhatyouhavehereisthisgreat,big,pink-and-bluerockabyebattleship.
Ann.Imgoingtokeepherghostly.Justtheoddbitofdialogue:
"WhatislittleGogdoing."
"Kicking."
Idontwantherburstinginonuswiththefresh?nessandoriginalityofherobservations.Whatweneedhereisperspective.ShesgoodwithGregorythough.Ithinkhehalflikesher.
Dontgo.Thegreased-pigchaseandballoonlaunchingscomenext.
Iwaspromisingonce.AftertheElgar,asummacumlaude.Theuniversitywasproudofme.ItwasabrightshywhitenewuniversityontheGulfCoast.Gullsandoleandersandquickhowlinghur?ricanes.Theteachersbrownburlymenwithpowerboatsandbeercans.Thepresidentaretiredad?miralwhoddonebeautifulthingsintheCoralSea.
"Youwillbeacredittous,George,"theadmiralsaid.Thatsnotmyname.Improtectingmyiden?tity,whatthereisofit.
Applausefromthestandsfilledwithmothersandbrothers.Thenfollowingthemaceinalonglinebacktothefieldhousetoungown.Readytotakemyplaceatthetop.
ButapauseatPusan,andthetoytraintotheChorwonValley.Walkingdownaroadwearinggreenclothes.Koreagreenandblackandsilent.Thetrucehadbeensigned.Ihadacarbocarry.MybuddyBoTagliabuethebonusbaby,forwhomtheYankshadpaidthirtythousand.Wewhitewashedrockstoenhanceourarea.ColonelscamecrowdingtofeelBoshurlingarm.Mhewhitestrocks.
IlunchedwithThaisfromThailand,hotcurryfromgreatgalvanizedwashtubs.Engineersbang?ingdowntheroadinsix-by-sixesraisingreddust.MyfriendGibMandellcallingElko,Nevadaonhiscanvas-coveredfieldtelephone."OperatorIcraveElko,Nevada."
ThenIwasasergeantwithstripes,gettingthetroopsoutofthesun.Tagliabueasergeanttoo.TristeintheTennesseeTeaRoominTokyo,yakkingitupinYokohama.Thenbacktoourlittletenttownonthesideofahill,boostingfifty-gallondrumsofheatingoiltentwardinthesnow.
Ozziethejeepdriverwakingmeinthemiddleofthenight."TheygotJulianintheTangoTank."AndupandalertastheytaughtusinLeadershipSchool,overthehillstoTango,seventymilesaway.WhizzingthroughTeapot,Tempest,Toreador,withthejeepscanvastopflapping.Pfc.Juliandrunkanddisorderlyandbeatenup.TheM.P.sergeantheldoutareceiptbook.Isignedforthebawdyremains.
BackoverthepearlyPacificinagreatvesseldecoratedwithoranges.Atrailoforangepeelontheplangentsurface.SittinginthebowfiftymilesoutofSanFrancisco,listeningtotheStatesidediscjockeyschatteringchachacha.Readytograbmyspotatthetop.
Myclotheslookedoldandwrong.Thecitylookednewwithtallbuildingsraisedwhilemybackwasturned.Irushedhereandtherevisitingfriends.Theywereburningbeefintheirbackyards,brownburlymenwithbeercans.Thebeefblackontheoutside,redontheinside.MyfriendHoracehadfidelity."Listentothatbass.Thatssixtywattsworthofbass,boy."
Ispoketomyfather."Howisbusiness?""IfAlaskamakesit,"hesaid,"IcanbuyaHasselblad.AndwerekeepinganeyeonHawaii."Thenhephotographedmyveteranface,f.6at300.Myfa?theronceacheerleaderatagreatEasternschool.Jumpingintheairandmakingfierceangrydown-the-fieldgesturesatthetopofhisleap.
Thatsnotacriticism.Wehavetohavecheer?leaders.
IpresentedmyselfatthePlacementOffice.Iwasonfile.Mypercentilewasthepercentileofchoice."Howcomeyouwereheadmanofonlyonestu?dentorganization,George?"thePlacementOfficerasked.Manyhatsfortopfolkwasthefashionthen.IsaidIwasrounded,andshowedhimmyslash.FromtheFencingClub.
"Butyouservedyourcountryinanoverseaspost."
"Andregardmycareerplanonneatlytypedpageswithwidemargins."
"Exemplary,"thePlacementOfficersaid."Youseemmarried,mature,malleable,howwouldyouliketoaffiliateyourselfwithushereattheoldschool?Wehaveaspotforapoppycockman,towritetheadmiralsspeeches.Haveyoueverdonepoppycock?"
IsaidnobutmaybeIcouldfakeit.
"Excellent,excellent,"thePlacementOfficersaid."Iseeyouhavegrasp.AndyoucansupattheFacultyClub.Andthereisaten-per-centdiscountonticketsforallhomegames."
Theadmiralshookmyhand."Youwillbeacredittous,George,"hesaid.Iwrotepoppycock,sometimescockypap.Atfouroclockthefacultyhoistedthecocktailflag.WedrankDaiquirisoneachotherssterns.Ihadequippedmyself——afibreglassrunabout,someplacetothink.InthestadiaoffriendlyshynewuniversitieswewentdownthefieldonGulfCoastafternoonswithgulls,orexcit?ingnightsunderthetalltoothpicklights.Thecrowdroared.Sylviaroared.Gregorygrew.
TherewasnoparticularpointatwhichIstoppedbeingpromising.
MoonstruckIwas,afterafashion.Sittingonabenchbythepracticefield,wherethejockschantedsecretsignalsintheirunderwearbehindtallcanvasblinds.Layaboutbabiesloafingonblan?kets,somestakedoutontwelve-footdogchains.Brownmotherssquattingkneetokneeinshiftsofscarletandgreen.Istaredatthemoonspaleday?timepresence.Itseemedinimical.
Moonstruck.
WereplayingFlinch.Youflinched.
Thesimplestthingsarethemostdifficulttoex?plain,allauthoritiesagree.SayIwastiredofp***yc**k,ifthatpleasesyou.Itstrueenough.
Sylviawentupinapuffofsmoke.Shedidntlikeunsalariedlife.Andcouldntbearamaleac?quaintancemoon-staringinthelightofday.Decentpeoplelookatnight.
WehadtroublewithGregory:whowouldgetwhichpart.Shesettledforthree-fifths,andgotIthinktheworstofit,thedreamingraffishRomanypartthatthinkssciencewillsaveus.Igetmatter-of-factmidnighttelephonecalls:MyE.E.instructorshotmedown.Whathappened?Idontknow,hesanassanyhow.Wellthatmaybebutstill——Whensthebabydue?January,Itoldyou.Yeah,canIgotoMexicoCityfortheholidays?Askyourmother,youknowshe——Theresthisguy,hisoldmanhasavillaWell,wecantalkaboutit.Yeah,wasgrandmotheraCommunist?Nothingsodistin?guished,she——YousaidshewaskickedoutofGer?many.Herfamilywasanti-Nazi.AdlermeanseagleinGerman.Thatstrue.TherewassomethingcalledtheWeimarRepublic,herfather——Ireadaboutit.
WehadtroublewithGregory,wewantedtobescientific.ToysfromProcreativePlaythingsofPrinceton.OGregory,thatPrincetoncrowdgotyoucomingandgoing.ProcreativePlaythingsatoneendandtheEducationalTestingServiceattheother.Andthatserious-mindedco-opnursery,thatwasamistake."Agrowingunderstandingbetweenparentandchildthroughsharedgroupexperi?ence."IstillrememberpoorHenryHardingIII.Under"Sibs"onthemembershiprolltheylistedhis,byage:
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OMrs.Harding,haventyouheard?TheyhavetheselittleChristmas-treeornamentsforthewombnow,theyworkwonders.
Didwedo"badly"byGregory?Willwedo"better"withGog?Suchquestionscurlthehair.Itswisernottoask.
ImentionedCardinalY(theredhat).Hesafriend,inaway.Orrather,thesubjectofoneofmylittleprojects.
Isetouttostudycardinals,aboutwhomscienceknowsnothing.Itseemedtomethatcardinalscouldbeknowninthesamewayweknowfishesorroses,byclassificationandenumeration.Aper?verseproject,perhaps,butwhoelsehasembracedthispointofview?Difficultnowadaystofindapointofviewkinkyenoughtocallonesown,withSadehimselfbeingcarriedthroughthestreetsontheshouldersofsociologists,cheersandshouting,tickertapeunwindingfromhighwindows
ThewhyofCardinalY.Youreentitledtoanexplanation.
TheCardinalrushedfromtheResidencewavingintheairhishands,glovedinyellowpigskinitappeared,Igraspedahand,"Yes,yellowpigskin!"theCardinalcried.Iwroteinmybook,yellowpigskin.
Significantdetail.Thepectoralcrosscontainsninediamonds,thescarletsoutaneislaunderedrightonthepremises.
IaskedtheCardinalquestions,wehadacon?versation.
"Iamthinkingofahappyislandmorebeautifulthancanbeimagined,"Isaid.
"Iamthinkingofagoldenmountainwhichdoesnotexist,"hesaid.
"Uponwhatdoestheworldrest?"Iasked.
"Uponanelephant,"hesaid.
"Uponwhatdoestheelephantrest?"
"Uponatortoise."
"Uponwhatdoesthetortoiserest?"
"Uponaredlawnmower."
Iwroteinmybook,playful.
"Isthereanyvaluethathasvalue?"Iasked.
"Ifthereisanyvaluethathasvalue,thenitmustlieoutsidethewholesphereofwhathappensandisthecase,forallthathappensandisthecaseisaccidental,"hesaid.Hewasnotserious.Iwroteinmybook,knowsthedrill.
(OhIhadheardreports,howheslunkaboutinthesnowtellingchildrenhewasSantaClaus,howhedisbursedfundsinunauthorizeddisbursementstounshavenmenwhocametothekitchendoor,howhishousekeeperpointedlyrolledhisredsockstogetherandblacksockstogetherhintingredwithredandblackwithblack,theCardinalpatientlyunrollingaredballtogetaredsockandablackballtogetablacksock,whichhethenworeto?gether)
CardinalY.Hessly.
Iwasthorough.IpoppedtheCardinalonthepatellawithalittlehammer,andlookedintohiseyeswithalittlelight.ItestedtheCardinalsstomachacidityusingUniversalIndicatorPaper,ascaleofoten,aspectrumofredtoblue.ThepHvaluewas1indicatinghighacidity.ImeasuredtheCardinalsegostrengthusingtheMinnesotaMultiphasticMuzzleMap,hehadanM.M.M.M.offouroverthree.IsangtotheCardi?nal,thesongwas"StellabyStarlight,"hedidnotreactinanyway.Icalculatedthenumberofgal?lonsneededtofilltheCardinalsbathtoadepthofteninches(beyondwhichdepth,theCardinalsaid,heneverventured).ItooktheCardinaltotheballet,theballetwas"TheConservatory."TheCar?dinalapplaudedatfifty-sevenpoints.Afterward,backstage,theCardinaldancedwithPlenosova,holdingheratarmslengthwithagoodwillandanillgrace.Theskirtsofthescarletsoutanestoodouttorevealhigh-buttonshoes,andthestagehandsclapped.
IaskedtheCardinalhisviewsonthemoon,hesaidtheyweretheconventionalones,andthatishowIknowallIknowaboutcardinals.Notenoughperhapstorearascienceofcardinalogyupon,butenoughperhapstoformabasisfortheinvestiga?tionsofotherinvestigators.Myreportisoverthere,inthebluebinding,nexttomycopyofLaGeomancieetlaNeomanciedesAnciensbytheSei?gneurofSalerno.
CardinalY.Onecanmeasureandmeasureandmissthemostessentialthing.Ilikedhim.Istillgettheoddblessinginthemailnowandthen.
Too,maybeIwastryingontherole.Notformyself.Whenachildisborn,thelocusofoneshopesshifts,slightly.Notaltogether,notallatonce.Butyoufeelit,thisdisplacement.Youspeakup,strikeattitudes,likethemotherofatinyLollobrigida.Drunkwithpossibilityoncemore.
Iamstillwearingmyyellowflowerwhichhaslastedwonderfully.
"WhatisGogdoing."
"Sleeping."
Yousee,Gogofmine,Gogomyheart,Imjusttryingtogiveyoualittlebriefinghere.Idontwantyouunpleasantlysurprised.Icantstandastartledlook.RegardmeasasortofDistantEarlyWarningSystem.Hereistheworldandherearetheknowledgeableknowersknowing.WhatcanItellyou?Whathasbeenpiecedtogetherfromthereportsoftravellers.
FragmentsaretheonlyformsItrust.
Lookatmywall,itsallthere.Thatsaleaf,Gog,stuckupwithScotchTape.Nono,theScotchTapeistheshinytransparentstuff,theleaftheveinedirregularlyshaped
Thereareseveralsidestothisaxe,Gog,con?siderthephotostat,"Mr.W.B.YeatsPresentingMr.GeorgeMooretotheQueenoftheFairies."Thatsacivilizedgesture,ImeanBeerbohms.AndwhenthesculptorAristideMaillolwentintotheprintingbusinesshemadethepaperbychewingthefibershimself.Thatsdedication.AndhereisaPolaroidphoto,showsyourAuntSylviaandmeputtinganAntFarmtogether.Thatshowclosewewereinthosedays.JustanAntFarmapart.
Seethemoon?Ithatesus.
AndnowcomesJ.J.Sullivansorange-and-blueGulfOiltrucktothrowkeroseneintothespaceheater.Driveringreensirensuit,redface,blondshavedhead,thefollowingrichverbaltransaction:
"Beautifulday."
"Certainlyis."
AndnowsettlingbackinthisgreengliderwithacopyofMan.DearAnnwhenIlookatManIdontwantyou.UnfoldedUrsalaThigpenseemseversomuchmoredesirable.Acleangirltooandwithinterests,cooking,botany,pornographicnovels.Someonenewtoshowmyslashto.
InanothermonthGogleapsfullyarmedfromthewomb.WhatcanIdoforhim?IcangethimintoA.A.,Ihaveinfluence.Andmakesurenoharshmoonlightfallsonhisnewsofthead.
HellothereGog.Wehopeyoullbeveryhappyhere.
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