章节目录 See the Moon?

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88106推荐各位书友阅读:Unspeakable Practices, Unnatural Acts章节目录 See the Moon?
(88106 www.88106.info)    IKNOWYOUTHINKImwastingmytime.Youvemadethatperfectlyclear.ButImconductingtheseveryimportantlunarhostilitystudies.Anditsnotyouwhollhavetoleavethewarmsafecapsule.Anddipatoeintothethreateninglunarsurround.

    Iamstillwearingmyyellowflowerwhichhaslastedwonderfully.

    Mymethodsmayseematouchirregular.Havetodochieflywithfoldedpaperairplanesatpres?ent.Butthepapermustbefoldedintherightway.Lotsofcalculationsandworryingaboutedges.

    ShowmeamanwhoworriesaboutedgesandIllshowyouanatural-bornwinner.CardinalYagrees.Columbushimselfworried,theAdmiraloftheOceanSea.Buthekeptitquiet.

    Thesunsowarmonthisscreenedporch,itre?mindsmeofmygrandmothersplaceinTampa.Thesamerustycreakygreengliderandthesamefadedcoloredcanvascushions.Andatnightthemoongraphedbythescreenwire,ifyousquint.

    TheSeaofTranquillityoccupyingsquares47through108.

    Seethemoon?Ithatesus.

    MymethodsarehomelybutrememberNewtonandtheapple.AndwhenRutherfordstartedouthedidntevenhaveadecentlyheatedlaboratory.Andthentheresthematterofmysecuritycheck——Imwaitingforthegovernment.SomebodytolditIminsecure.Thatstrue.

    Isufferfromafrightfulillnessofthemind,light-mindedness.Itsnotcatching.Youneedntshrink.

    Youvenoticedthewall?Ipinthingsonit,souve?nirs.Thereistheredhat,therethebookofin?structionsfortheAntFarm.Andthisisatrafficticketwrittenonasaintsday(whichsaint?Idontremember)in1954justoutsideafatlittletown(whichtown?Idontremember)inOhiobyacopwhoaskedmewhatIdid.IsaidIwrotepoppy?cockforthepresidentofauniversity,truethen.

    YoucanseehowfarIvecome.Lunarhostilitystudiesarentforeveryone.

    Itsmyhopethatthesesouvenirswillsomedaymerge,blur——cohereistheword,maybe——intosomethingmeaningful.Agrandword,mean?ingful.WhatdoIlookfor?Aworkofart,Illnotacceptanythingless.YesIknowitsshatteringlyingenuousbutIwantedtobeapainter.Theygetawaywithmurderinmyview;Mr.X.ontheTimesagreeswithme.YoudontknowhowIenvythem.TheycanpickupaBabyRuthwrapperonthestreet,glueittothecanvas(intherightplace,ofcourse,theresthat),andlo!peoplecrowdaboutandcry,"ArealBabyRuthwrapper,byGod,whatcouldberealerthanthat!"Fantasticmetaphysicaladvantage.Youhatethem,ifyouream?bitious.

    TheAntFarminstructionsareasouvenirofSylvia.TheredhatcamefromCardinalY.Werefriends,inaway.

    Iwantedtobeone,whenIwasyoung,apainter.ButIcouldntstandstretchingthecanvas.Doesthingstothefingernails.Andthatsthefirstplacepeoplelook.

    FragmentsaretheonlyformsItrust.

    Light-mindedorno,Imriotouswithmentalhealth.ImeasuremyselfagainsttheRussians,thatsfair.IhavehereaclippingdatelinedMos?cow,fouryoungpeopleapprehendedstranglingaswan.Thatsboredom.Theswansname,Borka.Thesentencesasfollows:Tsarev,metalworker,servedtimepreviouslyforstealingpublicprop?erty,fouryearsinalaborcamp,strictregime.Roslavtsev,electrician,jailedpreviouslyfortakingacaronajoyride,threeyearsandfourmonthsinalaborcamp,semi-strictregime.TatyanaVoblikova(onlyneenandaKomsomolmembertoo),technician,oneandahalfyearsinalaborcamp,degreeofstrictnessunspecified.AnnaG.Kirushina,technicalworker,fineoftwentypercentofsalaryforoneyear.Annaobjectedtothestrangula?tion,butsoftly:shehelpedstuffthecarcassinabag.

    Theclippingistackeduponmywall.Iinspectitfromtimetotime,drawingthemoral.Stranglingswansiswrong.

    Mybrotherwhoisaverydistinguishedpianisthasnofingernailsatall.Dontlookitshorrible.Heplaysunderanothername.Andtuneshispianopeculiarly,somecallitsour.Andrendersragashewrotehimself.Anightragaplayedatnooncancausedarkness,didyouknowthat?Itsextraordi?nary.

    HewantedtobeanUntouchable,Pauldid.Thatwashisideaofacontemporarycareer.Butthenagirlwalkedupandtouchedhim(slappedhim,actually;itsacomplicatedstory).Andhejoinedus,hereintheimbroglio.

    Myfatherontheotherhandisperfectlycom?fortable,andthatsnotacriticism.Hemakesflags,banners,bunting(sometimesrunsmeupashirt).Therewasneveranyquestionoflettingmyfatherdrinkfromthepublicwell.HewasontheWellCommittee,hedecidedwhodippedandwhodidnt.Thatsnotacriticism.Exerciseshiscreativ?ity,nowadays,courtesytheemergingnations.GreenfortheveldtthatnourishesthegracileGrantsgazelle,whiteforthepurityofourrevolutionaryaspirations.Theredforbloodisunder?stood.Thatsnotacriticism.Itswhattheyallaskfor.

    AcalltonightfromGregory,mysonbymyfirstwife.SeventeenandatM.I.T.already.Recentlyhesbeenaskingquestions.Suddenlyhesconsciousofhimselfasabeingwithahistory.

    Thetelephonerings.Then,withoutagreeting:WhydidIhavetotakethoselittlepills?Whatlittlepills?Littlewhitefillswitha"W"onthem.Oh.Ohyes.Youhadsomekindofanervousdisorder,forawhile.HowoldwasI?Eight.Eightornine.Whatwasit?Wasitepilepsy?GoodGodno,noth?ingsofancy.Weneverfoundoutwhatitwas.Itwentaway.WhatdidIdo?DidIfalldown?Nono.Yourmouthtrembled,thatwasall.Youcouldntcontrolit.Oh,O.K.Seeyou.

    Thereceiverclicks.

    Or:Whatdidmygreat-grandfatherdo?ForalivingImean?Hewasaballplayer,semi-proball?player,forawhile.Thenwentintothebuildingbusiness.Whodheplayfor?AteamcalledtheSt.AugustineRowdies,Ithinkitwas.Neverheardofthem.WellDidhemakeanymoney?Inthebuildingbusiness?Quiteabit.Didyourfatherinheritit?No,itwastiedupinalawsuit.Whenthesuitwasovertherewasntanythingleft.Oh.Whatwasthelawsuit?Great-grandfatherdiddledamaninalanddeal.Sothestorygoes.Oh.Whendidhedie?Letssee,1938Ithink.Whatof?Heartattack.Oh.O.K.Seeyou.

    Endofconversation.

    Gregory,youdidntlistentomyadvice.IsaidtrytheVernacularIsles.Wherefisharetwoforapennyandwomentwoforafish.ButyouwantedM.I.T.andelectron-spin-resonancespectroscopy.Youdidntevencrackasmileinyoursix-plyheatherhopsacking.

    Gregoryyouregoingtohaveahalfbrothernow.Youlllikethat,wontyou?Willyouhalflikeit?

    Wetalkedaboutthesizeofthebaby,AnnandI.Whatcouldbededucedfromtheoutside.

    Isaiditdoesntlookverybigtome.Shesaiditsbigenoughforus.Isaidwedontneedsuchagreatroaringbigoneafterall.Shesaidtheycosttheearth,thoseextra-largesizes.OurholdingsinJohnsonsBabyPowdertobeconsideredtoo.Wedneedacresandacres.IsaidwellputitinaSkinnerboxmaybe.Shesaidnochildofhers.Displayedunderglasslikearumproast.Isaidyouhaventweptlately.ShesaidIkeepgettingbiggerwhetherIlaughorcry.

    DearAnn.Idontthinkyouvequite

    Whatyoudontunderstandis,itslikesomebodywalksuptoyouandsays,IhaveabattleshipIcantuse,wouldyouliketohaveabattleship.Andyousay,yesyes,Iveneverhadabattleship,Ivealwayswantedone.Andhesays,ithasfoursix-teen-inchgunsforward,andacatapultforlaunch?ingscoutplanes.Andyousay,Ivealwayswantedtolaunchscoutplanes.Andhesays,itsyours,andthenyouhavethisbattleship.Andthenyouhavetopaintit,becauseitsrusting,andcleanit,be?causeitsdirty,andanchoritsomewhere,becausethePoliceDepartmentwantsyoutogetitoffthestreets.Andthecrewiscrying,andtherearesilverfishinthechartroomandafunnyknockingnoiseinFireControl,waterrisingintheNo.2hold,andthechaplaincantfindthePalestrinatapesfortheSundayservice.Andyoucantgetanybodytositwithit.Andfinallyyoudiscoverthatwhatyouhavehereisthisgreat,big,pink-and-bluerockabyebattleship.

    Ann.Imgoingtokeepherghostly.Justtheoddbitofdialogue:

    "WhatislittleGogdoing."

    "Kicking."

    Idontwantherburstinginonuswiththefresh?nessandoriginalityofherobservations.Whatweneedhereisperspective.ShesgoodwithGregorythough.Ithinkhehalflikesher.

    Dontgo.Thegreased-pigchaseandballoonlaunchingscomenext.

    Iwaspromisingonce.AftertheElgar,asummacumlaude.Theuniversitywasproudofme.ItwasabrightshywhitenewuniversityontheGulfCoast.Gullsandoleandersandquickhowlinghur?ricanes.Theteachersbrownburlymenwithpowerboatsandbeercans.Thepresidentaretiredad?miralwhoddonebeautifulthingsintheCoralSea.

    "Youwillbeacredittous,George,"theadmiralsaid.Thatsnotmyname.Improtectingmyiden?tity,whatthereisofit.

    Applausefromthestandsfilledwithmothersandbrothers.Thenfollowingthemaceinalonglinebacktothefieldhousetoungown.Readytotakemyplaceatthetop.

    ButapauseatPusan,andthetoytraintotheChorwonValley.Walkingdownaroadwearinggreenclothes.Koreagreenandblackandsilent.Thetrucehadbeensigned.Ihadacarbocarry.MybuddyBoTagliabuethebonusbaby,forwhomtheYankshadpaidthirtythousand.Wewhitewashedrockstoenhanceourarea.ColonelscamecrowdingtofeelBoshurlingarm.Mhewhitestrocks.

    IlunchedwithThaisfromThailand,hotcurryfromgreatgalvanizedwashtubs.Engineersbang?ingdowntheroadinsix-by-sixesraisingreddust.MyfriendGibMandellcallingElko,Nevadaonhiscanvas-coveredfieldtelephone."OperatorIcraveElko,Nevada."

    ThenIwasasergeantwithstripes,gettingthetroopsoutofthesun.Tagliabueasergeanttoo.TristeintheTennesseeTeaRoominTokyo,yakkingitupinYokohama.Thenbacktoourlittletenttownonthesideofahill,boostingfifty-gallondrumsofheatingoiltentwardinthesnow.

    Ozziethejeepdriverwakingmeinthemiddleofthenight."TheygotJulianintheTangoTank."AndupandalertastheytaughtusinLeadershipSchool,overthehillstoTango,seventymilesaway.WhizzingthroughTeapot,Tempest,Toreador,withthejeepscanvastopflapping.Pfc.Juliandrunkanddisorderlyandbeatenup.TheM.P.sergeantheldoutareceiptbook.Isignedforthebawdyremains.

    BackoverthepearlyPacificinagreatvesseldecoratedwithoranges.Atrailoforangepeelontheplangentsurface.SittinginthebowfiftymilesoutofSanFrancisco,listeningtotheStatesidediscjockeyschatteringchachacha.Readytograbmyspotatthetop.

    Myclotheslookedoldandwrong.Thecitylookednewwithtallbuildingsraisedwhilemybackwasturned.Irushedhereandtherevisitingfriends.Theywereburningbeefintheirbackyards,brownburlymenwithbeercans.Thebeefblackontheoutside,redontheinside.MyfriendHoracehadfidelity."Listentothatbass.Thatssixtywattsworthofbass,boy."

    Ispoketomyfather."Howisbusiness?""IfAlaskamakesit,"hesaid,"IcanbuyaHasselblad.AndwerekeepinganeyeonHawaii."Thenhephotographedmyveteranface,f.6at300.Myfa?theronceacheerleaderatagreatEasternschool.Jumpingintheairandmakingfierceangrydown-the-fieldgesturesatthetopofhisleap.

    Thatsnotacriticism.Wehavetohavecheer?leaders.

    IpresentedmyselfatthePlacementOffice.Iwasonfile.Mypercentilewasthepercentileofchoice."Howcomeyouwereheadmanofonlyonestu?dentorganization,George?"thePlacementOfficerasked.Manyhatsfortopfolkwasthefashionthen.IsaidIwasrounded,andshowedhimmyslash.FromtheFencingClub.

    "Butyouservedyourcountryinanoverseaspost."

    "Andregardmycareerplanonneatlytypedpageswithwidemargins."

    "Exemplary,"thePlacementOfficersaid."Youseemmarried,mature,malleable,howwouldyouliketoaffiliateyourselfwithushereattheoldschool?Wehaveaspotforapoppycockman,towritetheadmiralsspeeches.Haveyoueverdonepoppycock?"

    IsaidnobutmaybeIcouldfakeit.

    "Excellent,excellent,"thePlacementOfficersaid."Iseeyouhavegrasp.AndyoucansupattheFacultyClub.Andthereisaten-per-centdiscountonticketsforallhomegames."

    Theadmiralshookmyhand."Youwillbeacredittous,George,"hesaid.Iwrotepoppycock,sometimescockypap.Atfouroclockthefacultyhoistedthecocktailflag.WedrankDaiquirisoneachotherssterns.Ihadequippedmyself——afibreglassrunabout,someplacetothink.InthestadiaoffriendlyshynewuniversitieswewentdownthefieldonGulfCoastafternoonswithgulls,orexcit?ingnightsunderthetalltoothpicklights.Thecrowdroared.Sylviaroared.Gregorygrew.

    TherewasnoparticularpointatwhichIstoppedbeingpromising.

    MoonstruckIwas,afterafashion.Sittingonabenchbythepracticefield,wherethejockschantedsecretsignalsintheirunderwearbehindtallcanvasblinds.Layaboutbabiesloafingonblan?kets,somestakedoutontwelve-footdogchains.Brownmotherssquattingkneetokneeinshiftsofscarletandgreen.Istaredatthemoonspaleday?timepresence.Itseemedinimical.

    Moonstruck.

    WereplayingFlinch.Youflinched.

    Thesimplestthingsarethemostdifficulttoex?plain,allauthoritiesagree.SayIwastiredofp***yc**k,ifthatpleasesyou.Itstrueenough.

    Sylviawentupinapuffofsmoke.Shedidntlikeunsalariedlife.Andcouldntbearamaleac?quaintancemoon-staringinthelightofday.Decentpeoplelookatnight.

    WehadtroublewithGregory:whowouldgetwhichpart.Shesettledforthree-fifths,andgotIthinktheworstofit,thedreamingraffishRomanypartthatthinkssciencewillsaveus.Igetmatter-of-factmidnighttelephonecalls:MyE.E.instructorshotmedown.Whathappened?Idontknow,hesanassanyhow.Wellthatmaybebutstill——Whensthebabydue?January,Itoldyou.Yeah,canIgotoMexicoCityfortheholidays?Askyourmother,youknowshe——Theresthisguy,hisoldmanhasavillaWell,wecantalkaboutit.Yeah,wasgrandmotheraCommunist?Nothingsodistin?guished,she——YousaidshewaskickedoutofGer?many.Herfamilywasanti-Nazi.AdlermeanseagleinGerman.Thatstrue.TherewassomethingcalledtheWeimarRepublic,herfather——Ireadaboutit.

    WehadtroublewithGregory,wewantedtobescientific.ToysfromProcreativePlaythingsofPrinceton.OGregory,thatPrincetoncrowdgotyoucomingandgoing.ProcreativePlaythingsatoneendandtheEducationalTestingServiceattheother.Andthatserious-mindedco-opnursery,thatwasamistake."Agrowingunderstandingbetweenparentandchildthroughsharedgroupexperi?ence."IstillrememberpoorHenryHardingIII.Under"Sibs"onthemembershiprolltheylistedhis,byage:

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    OMrs.Harding,haventyouheard?TheyhavetheselittleChristmas-treeornamentsforthewombnow,theyworkwonders.

    Didwedo"badly"byGregory?Willwedo"better"withGog?Suchquestionscurlthehair.Itswisernottoask.

    ImentionedCardinalY(theredhat).Hesafriend,inaway.Orrather,thesubjectofoneofmylittleprojects.

    Isetouttostudycardinals,aboutwhomscienceknowsnothing.Itseemedtomethatcardinalscouldbeknowninthesamewayweknowfishesorroses,byclassificationandenumeration.Aper?verseproject,perhaps,butwhoelsehasembracedthispointofview?Difficultnowadaystofindapointofviewkinkyenoughtocallonesown,withSadehimselfbeingcarriedthroughthestreetsontheshouldersofsociologists,cheersandshouting,tickertapeunwindingfromhighwindows

    ThewhyofCardinalY.Youreentitledtoanexplanation.

    TheCardinalrushedfromtheResidencewavingintheairhishands,glovedinyellowpigskinitappeared,Igraspedahand,"Yes,yellowpigskin!"theCardinalcried.Iwroteinmybook,yellowpigskin.

    Significantdetail.Thepectoralcrosscontainsninediamonds,thescarletsoutaneislaunderedrightonthepremises.

    IaskedtheCardinalquestions,wehadacon?versation.

    "Iamthinkingofahappyislandmorebeautifulthancanbeimagined,"Isaid.

    "Iamthinkingofagoldenmountainwhichdoesnotexist,"hesaid.

    "Uponwhatdoestheworldrest?"Iasked.

    "Uponanelephant,"hesaid.

    "Uponwhatdoestheelephantrest?"

    "Uponatortoise."

    "Uponwhatdoesthetortoiserest?"

    "Uponaredlawnmower."

    Iwroteinmybook,playful.

    "Isthereanyvaluethathasvalue?"Iasked.

    "Ifthereisanyvaluethathasvalue,thenitmustlieoutsidethewholesphereofwhathappensandisthecase,forallthathappensandisthecaseisaccidental,"hesaid.Hewasnotserious.Iwroteinmybook,knowsthedrill.

    (OhIhadheardreports,howheslunkaboutinthesnowtellingchildrenhewasSantaClaus,howhedisbursedfundsinunauthorizeddisbursementstounshavenmenwhocametothekitchendoor,howhishousekeeperpointedlyrolledhisredsockstogetherandblacksockstogetherhintingredwithredandblackwithblack,theCardinalpatientlyunrollingaredballtogetaredsockandablackballtogetablacksock,whichhethenworeto?gether)

    CardinalY.Hessly.

    Iwasthorough.IpoppedtheCardinalonthepatellawithalittlehammer,andlookedintohiseyeswithalittlelight.ItestedtheCardinalsstomachacidityusingUniversalIndicatorPaper,ascaleofoten,aspectrumofredtoblue.ThepHvaluewas1indicatinghighacidity.ImeasuredtheCardinalsegostrengthusingtheMinnesotaMultiphasticMuzzleMap,hehadanM.M.M.M.offouroverthree.IsangtotheCardi?nal,thesongwas"StellabyStarlight,"hedidnotreactinanyway.Icalculatedthenumberofgal?lonsneededtofilltheCardinalsbathtoadepthofteninches(beyondwhichdepth,theCardinalsaid,heneverventured).ItooktheCardinaltotheballet,theballetwas"TheConservatory."TheCar?dinalapplaudedatfifty-sevenpoints.Afterward,backstage,theCardinaldancedwithPlenosova,holdingheratarmslengthwithagoodwillandanillgrace.Theskirtsofthescarletsoutanestoodouttorevealhigh-buttonshoes,andthestagehandsclapped.

    IaskedtheCardinalhisviewsonthemoon,hesaidtheyweretheconventionalones,andthatishowIknowallIknowaboutcardinals.Notenoughperhapstorearascienceofcardinalogyupon,butenoughperhapstoformabasisfortheinvestiga?tionsofotherinvestigators.Myreportisoverthere,inthebluebinding,nexttomycopyofLaGeomancieetlaNeomanciedesAnciensbytheSei?gneurofSalerno.

    CardinalY.Onecanmeasureandmeasureandmissthemostessentialthing.Ilikedhim.Istillgettheoddblessinginthemailnowandthen.

    Too,maybeIwastryingontherole.Notformyself.Whenachildisborn,thelocusofoneshopesshifts,slightly.Notaltogether,notallatonce.Butyoufeelit,thisdisplacement.Youspeakup,strikeattitudes,likethemotherofatinyLollobrigida.Drunkwithpossibilityoncemore.

    Iamstillwearingmyyellowflowerwhichhaslastedwonderfully.

    "WhatisGogdoing."

    "Sleeping."

    Yousee,Gogofmine,Gogomyheart,Imjusttryingtogiveyoualittlebriefinghere.Idontwantyouunpleasantlysurprised.Icantstandastartledlook.RegardmeasasortofDistantEarlyWarningSystem.Hereistheworldandherearetheknowledgeableknowersknowing.WhatcanItellyou?Whathasbeenpiecedtogetherfromthereportsoftravellers.

    FragmentsaretheonlyformsItrust.

    Lookatmywall,itsallthere.Thatsaleaf,Gog,stuckupwithScotchTape.Nono,theScotchTapeistheshinytransparentstuff,theleaftheveinedirregularlyshaped

    Thereareseveralsidestothisaxe,Gog,con?siderthephotostat,"Mr.W.B.YeatsPresentingMr.GeorgeMooretotheQueenoftheFairies."Thatsacivilizedgesture,ImeanBeerbohms.AndwhenthesculptorAristideMaillolwentintotheprintingbusinesshemadethepaperbychewingthefibershimself.Thatsdedication.AndhereisaPolaroidphoto,showsyourAuntSylviaandmeputtinganAntFarmtogether.Thatshowclosewewereinthosedays.JustanAntFarmapart.

    Seethemoon?Ithatesus.

    AndnowcomesJ.J.Sullivansorange-and-blueGulfOiltrucktothrowkeroseneintothespaceheater.Driveringreensirensuit,redface,blondshavedhead,thefollowingrichverbaltransaction:

    "Beautifulday."

    "Certainlyis."

    AndnowsettlingbackinthisgreengliderwithacopyofMan.DearAnnwhenIlookatManIdontwantyou.UnfoldedUrsalaThigpenseemseversomuchmoredesirable.Acleangirltooandwithinterests,cooking,botany,pornographicnovels.Someonenewtoshowmyslashto.

    InanothermonthGogleapsfullyarmedfromthewomb.WhatcanIdoforhim?IcangethimintoA.A.,Ihaveinfluence.Andmakesurenoharshmoonlightfallsonhisnewsofthead.

    HellothereGog.Wehopeyoullbeveryhappyhere.

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